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I am attempting lucid dreaming. I have come very close, but I feel that my innate thickness is getting in the way.

Case in point: I recently had a dream, carefully noted on waking, where I reached a point where I suspected I might be dreaming. I started shouting to test this, and sure enough, my shouting was stifled and abnormal. Yet for some reason, the penny didn’t drop, and I continued as normal..

The dream threw more obvious clues at me. I was in an upmarket Boots in New York. I was there to help a derelict, homeless friend clean up his act. I’d never met this friend before, I’ve never been to New York and I suspect that there are no Boots shops there either. To top things off, as I was merrily buying toothpaste, I caught sight of my old, worn out wallet and some pound coins on the counter by the till. Also, the chemist running the shop was a blatant and unapologetic druggie, and merrily toked away during the entire transaction.

Though I remain keen on dream study, I am starting to wonder: am I too open-minded for the concept of testing reality and realising the implications of a negative result, or just too stupid?